I don’t talk to my dad anymore.
Many of you know I grew up Amish, then Mennonite, and finally Charity Fellowship.
Some of you followed my journey of reconnecting with my dad about seven years ago. I was filled with hope, and cautiously optimistic.
A few of you know that I am now once again estranged from my dad.
After reconnecting with him, the “honeymoon period” lasted about two years and then he eventually once again behaved with the old patterns of abusive behavior. Nothing had changed. Of course, he could be very nice at times. That’s all part of the cycle. Besides the physical violence and rage fits, this is what the emotional abuse cycle looked like when I was growing up, and it began all over again when I was reconnecting with my dad as an adult:
Idealization “Honeymoon” Phase:
— Overwhelming affection and praise.
— Intense attention and seemingly unconditional love.
— The child is perceived as perfect or the “golden child.”
Devaluation Phase:
— Sudden shift to criticism and dissatisfaction.
— The child can do nothing right.
— Emotional withdrawal or overt hostility from the parent.
