An Amish Funeral + Small Ways to Make the World a Better Place

Photo credit: @bjebie on Flickr

We were sitting at a stop light beside the Nashville National Cemetery on our way home from church on Sunday. As I looked across the neat rows of white stones, I thought about the lives of the people that each of those headstones represented.

My daughter, Emma, matter-of-factly said, “Those people are dead and we’re alive.”

“Yeah,” I paused. “There’s really not much that’s between being here and being there. But we can still do things and they can’t.”

If you think that this whole conversation sounds a little morbid, you would probably be appalled by our other open conversations about life and death. It’s a frequent topic in my home because my daughter and I have both been exposed to several traumatic losses and we process things by talking about them.

My fascination with graveyards started when I was young. In fact, I spent my 9th birthday in a graveyard. There was no birthday cake or a birthday celebration that year because my Amish grandpa had died a few days before my birthday.

On my birthday, I was squished between the long, full skirts of women in black and navy colored cape dresses. My mom had been crying for days. I didn’t really understand what had happened but I cried because she was so sad. I remember the long row of buggies that we followed to a small graveyard that day. The sound of the horses’ hoofs on the pavement was only broken by the occasional passing of a car.

After my grandpa’s coffin had been buried in the ground, I accidentally stepped too close to the mound of dirt in the ground. When I stumbled, the heel of my foot sunk into the fresh dirt. My mom grabbed my arm with a sharp pinch and scolded me. I wasn’t sure what I had done wrong, but a cold chill ran through me. I was suddenly very afraid of dying. I stood quietly beside mom so I wouldn’t get too close to that grave again. I stood and stared at the mound of dirt and wondered what it meant when someone died.

The light turned green and I snapped back to the present moment.

Emma looked out the window and watched the long lines of white tombstones that melted into the distance behind as the car sped up. I could tell that she was feeling thoughtful so I sensed that this was an opportunity for a teachable moment.

“What can we do for someone else today?” I asked her.

Being a natural people person, she immediately had a bunch of ideas that I loved. Since we were heading to the grocery store to get some groceries, I decided that I would pay for someone else’s groceries.

When we got in line to check out at the store, no one else was behind us. As I placed our items on the checkout belt, I considered my options of waiting awkwardly to pay for someone else’s groceries. I started feeling my palms getting sweaty. Maybe it just wasn’t going to work out to bless someone else today.

Just as I started placing my loaded grocery sacks into my shopping cart, I turned around to see someone behind me. He was an older man. I was a little taken back by his appearance because he didn’t look like the typical Sunday shopper. I could smell his body odor from where I stood.

This wasn’t the customer that I had pictured when I decided to pay for someone’s groceries an hour earlier. A dirty bandana was knotted around the crown of his head and he shuffled as he placed his armful of items on the grocery belt — a couple bottles of soda, a large container of potato salad, and a small bag of chips.

I paid for my groceries and turned to put the rest of my groceries in my cart. My heart was racing now. I felt awkward and ridiculous. I smiled absentmindedly at the clerk as she handed me the receipt and turned to walk out the door with Emma.

Then I stopped.

I felt ridiculous when I turned around.

“Um, actually, I’d like to pay for your groceries…”

He paused. I didn’t wait for approval from him or anyone else before stepping back and awkwardly jamming my credit card into the card reader.

The three of us stood there awkwardly as I finished the payment process. When I’m nervous, I talk a lot, so I heard myself saying something apologetic about how I didn’t want to make anything weird by offering to pay for this man’s groceries and then he stammered, “Gee… thanks miss….”

The next day, Emma was getting ready for school. She was excitedly adding her coin purse into her backpack because her school has a book fair this week and she had a special book on her wishlist that she was planning to buy.

When I noticed the extra change in her purse, she explained. “Oh yeah, I’m taking more money so I can help pay for other kid’s books if they don’t have enough to get the book that they want.” She was so excited.

She couldn’t wait to give.

To understand why this made me cry later, it would help to know that my daughter doesn’t get an allowance. There’s not really a specific reason for that — I grew up without getting an allowance (or knowing what an allowance was) so it’s simply not something I’ve done for her. (I completely agree that giving kids an allowance can be a great way to teach them how to be responsible with money.) Occasionally she gets a few dollars here and there, but she never has had more than $25–50 in her piggy bank. So for her to choose to help buy books for other kids out of her very small amount of money turned my own heart inside out.

She was freely giving her all with the feeling that it cost her nothing.

Every time that I think I’m teaching her something, she is the one who turns around and teaches me. For it is in true, cheerful giving that we receive in ways that we never imagined.

When I think about the time that will inevitably come when I’m no longer in my human body, in this human dimension, I think about what will have mattered the most. From the dust our human bodies have come, and to dust they will once again return.

What will we do with the time we have?

What can you do for someone else that will make them feel like a winner today?

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50 Small Ways to Make the World a Better Place:

1. Pay it Backward: buy coffee for the person behind you in line.
2. Compliment the first three people you talk to today.
3. Send a positive text message to five different people right now.
4. Post inspirational sticky notes around your neighborhood, office, school, etc.
5. Tell someone they dropped a dollar (even though they didn’t). Then give them a dollar.
6. Donate old towels or blankets to an animal shelter.
7. Say hi to the person next to you on the elevator.
8. Surprise a neighbor with freshly baked cookies or treats!
9. Let someone go in front of you in line who only has a few items.
10. Leave a gas gift card at a gas pump.
11. Throw a party to celebrate someone just for being who they are, which is awesome.
12. Have a LinkedIn account? Write a recommendation for coworker or connection.
13. Leave quarters at the laundromat.
14. Encounter someone in customer service who is especially kind? Take an extra five minutes to tell their manager.
15. Leave unused coupons next to corresponding products in the grocery store.
16. Leave a note on someone’s car telling them how awesome they parked.
17. Try to make sure every person in a group conversation feels included.
18. Write a kind message on your mirror with a dry erase marker for yourself, your significant other or a family member.
19. Place a positive body image notes in jean pockets at a department store.
20. Smile at five strangers.
21. Set an alarm on your phone to go off at three different times during the day. In those moments, do something kind for someone else.
22. Send a gratitude email to a coworker who deserves more recognition.
23. Practice self-kindness and spend 30 minutes doing something you love today.
24. Give away stuff for free on Craig’s List.
25. Write a gratitude list in the morning and again in the evening.
26. Know parents who could use a night out? Offer to babysit for free.
27. Hold up positive signs for traffic or in a park for people exercising outside!
28. Return shopping carts for people at the grocery store.
29. Buy a plant. Put it in a terracotta pot. Write positive words that describe a friend on the pot. Give it to that friend!
30. Write a positive comment on your favorite blog, website, or a friend’s social media account.
31. Have a clean up party at a beach or park.
32. While you’re out, compliment a parent on how well-behaved their child is.
33. Leave a kind server the biggest tip you can afford.
34. When you’re throwing something away on the street, pick up any litter around you and put that in the trash too.
35. Pay the toll for the person behind you.
36. Put 50 paper hearts in a box. On each cutout write something that is special about your partner or a friend. Give them the box and tell them to pull out a heart anytime they need a pick-me-up.
37. Everyone is important. Learn the names of your office security guard, the person at the front desk and other people you see every day. Greet them by name. Also say “hello” to strangers and smile. These acts of kindness are so easy, and they almost always make people smile.
38. Write your partner a list of things you love about them.
39. Purchase extra dog or cat food and bring it to an animal shelter.
40. Find opportunities to give compliments. It costs nothing, takes no time, and could make someone’s entire day. Don’t just think it. Say it.
41. Take flowers or treats to the nurses’ station at your nearest hospital.
42. Keep an extra umbrella at work, so you can lend it out when it rains.
43. Send a ‘Thank you’ card or note to the officers at your local police or fire station.
44. Take muffins or cookies to your local librarians.
45. Run an errand for a family member who is busy.
46. Leave a box of goodies in your mailbox for your mail carrier.
47. Tape coins around a playground for kids to find.
48. Put your phone away while in the company of others.
49. Email or write to a former teacher who made a difference in your life.
50. When you hear that discouraging voice in your head, tell yourself something positive — you deserve kindness too!

(Source: Random Acts of Kindness list)

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We don’t know how much time we have left. Let’s make a difference with the time we have.