A Personal Reflection on 6 Years of Single Motherhood and What the Journey has Taught Me

It was over.

But I was afraid to say it out loud. Admit it.

I needed to talk to someone who had been here. So I reached out to her.

“I think it’s over. But I don’t know how I’ll make it. E _____ has food allergies, the groceries for us will be more expensive. I’ve never rented an apartment, what if I get raped or killed? What if I can’t take care of E _____? I’ve never bought my own car. I don’t have my degree. I don’t know how to make enough money to live. I don’t know what’s going to happen to us…” I ran out of breath so I stopped talking.

I stopped and let all of the terrifying unknowns fill the silence between us.

I pressed the phone to my ear, looking out my window at the city skyline of Tokyo that stretched out in front of me. She was quiet for a moment on the other end, listening to me from the other side of the world in America.

This woman was the only single mom that I personally knew who had come from my background and seemed to be thriving as a divorced single mom. She didn’t live in shame. She just lived. And I wanted to know HOW. I wanted to know how she knew that she would be okay.

When she spoke, I found out that she didn’t know anything more than I knew when she faced her own divorce. She told me that the reason she knew I was going to make it was because I was already thinking about how I was…